When the staff of The Khronicles met at the beginning of last month to discuss possible main story ideas for this issue, there was talk about the dismal financial situation, the prospects of a bleak tourism season, the continuing burglaries of homeowners, and on and on.

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed reporter Niki Yiamalaki. "There are too many negative stories. What we need is something more upbeat – something positive."

There were many murmurs of "good idea," "absolutely" and "you're right."

"Okay," I said, "let's do it. Who has a lead on an upbeat story?"

The following silence was deafening.

Finally, columnist Michalis Vardakis began:  "We can always write about . . ." He never did finish.

"Well, how about something on . . . ?" Web editor John McLaren tried unsuccessfully.

Are times really so bad that the collective genius of The Khronicles staff couldn't come up with at least one story to bring smiles to our readers' lips?

Of course not!

For instance, the CEO of an Iraklion company was giving a speech at the recent annual shareholders' meeting. Totally enthused about his company's fine performance and the prospects for the next year, he lost track of time and spoke for hours.

Finally, he realized that he had been speaking for far too long and apologized, saying, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "There's a calendar behind you."

Recently, the Greek Police, the FBI, and the CIA were trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. As a test, a rabbit was released into a forest and each of them had to catch it.

The CIA went in and placed animal informants throughout the forest. After three months of extensive investigations they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

Next, the FBI went in. After two weeks with no leads they burned the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and made no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Finally, the Greek police went in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear, who was screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Then we have the story of a prosecuting attorney in Iraklion who called his first witness, an elderly village lady dressed in black..

"Mrs. Anagnostaki, do you know me?"

"Yes, I do know you Mr. Yiorgo. I've known you since you were a young boy in the village, and you've always been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you trick people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a hot-shot lawyer when in fact you're nothing but a little fake. Of course, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Anagnostaki, do you know the defense attorney?" 

"Why, yes I do," the elderly lady replied again. "I've known Mr. Niko since he was a spoiled little brat in the next village. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a serious drinking problem, and I know for a fact he cheats on his taxes. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within three minutes!"

And now back to the rest of the news . . .