In the mood!

Lots of depressing and scary things have happened over the past month. Things that, with a bit of imagination, could fill a full-sized paperback, never mind a column. Stabbings, disappearances, kidnapping, robberies . . . our little area has become quite the crime neighbourhood of Crete. But I am not going to depress you with yet another 500 words of doom and gloom. In these desperate times we all need an exciting look ahead, for instance, to our tourist season that is looming just around the corner. Ah, yes! Let me get you in the mood with the top 20 "most stupid official complaints" of British holidaymakers.

20. Lady on holiday in Goa, India, writes "I was appalled to find out they had curry on the menu in almost every restaurant. I do not like spicy food at all!

19. Holidaymaker from Jamaica: "Our flight from Heathrow to Jamaica took us 9 hours, where it took some American guests only 3. A disgrace."

18. A guest who spent a week-safari in Africa complained about the elephants. He did not need to see the animal's apparatus in action while on his honeymoon as it made him feel totally inadequate.

17. A tourist in Spain wrote: "Too many Spanish people around, receptionist spoke Spanish, food was Spanish and there were too many foreigners."

16. In the Mediterranean somewhere: "The beach didn’t look anything like the brochure. On the picture the sand was yellow where in reality it was white!"

15. Another one on a beach: "The beach was far too sandy….."

14. A jealous wife: "Topless sunbathing should be forbidden. The only thing my husband did all day was sizing up other women"

13. From Spain again: "Someone should have told us there would be fish in the sea, my children were very scared!"

12. A gentleman with a maths problem: "In comparison with the 3-room apartment our friends booked, our 1-room studio was far too small."

11. Another lady threatened to call the police because she thought she had been locked in her room by the hotel staff. In reality though she had totally misunderstood the "do not disturb" sign dangling on the inside of her door.

10. An elderly couple: "As a tour operator it is your duty to inform us ahead of noisy hotel guests!"

 9. "Your folder should state that the local minimarket does not sell any good cookies."

 8. "It is a disgrace and just amazing laziness that they all close their shops during siesta. Especially in these hours I need to shop for stuff. It should be forbidden!

 7. "In the brochure it says: No hairdressers on location, but we are still in training. Are we allowed to go there?"

 

6. "We had to stand in line outside, without air conditioning; as a result I burned my head!"

 5. From Crete: "I was bitten by mosquitoes; why I was not informed that mosquitoes bite"

 4. And another one: "We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring a bathing suit or a towel."

 3. "We bought a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses for 5 euro’s. I am sad to say they turned out to be fake."

 2. Another guest in an all-inc. hotel on our island complained the soup was too thick and too strong. It seemed he had been drinking the gravy!

 1. Last but not least: "My fiancée and I had booked a room with two separate beds. We got a room with a double bed. I herewith hold your agency responsible for the fact that I am pregnant . . ."

With a "Lord, we thank you for what we are about to receive," I would like to wish you all a fantastic summer.

(Source: The Daily Telegraph)